Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Happy Birthday to me......

So in about 2 hours it will be my birthday. Yay me. :) I will be 38 years old. Not a landmark age for most but for me it's a hard one. It marks another year that I haven't been able to be alone, haven't been able to do my own shopping, haven't been able to get through a week without anxiety. However, I am determined to make tomorrow a good day so I'm going to get all this out of the way first!

Five years ago I decided that I had had about all I could take of a bad situation & made the move into an apartment of my own, my ex husband & I became "separated". That was mistake number one. The apartment that I moved into was basically in the ghetto. It was loud, VERY loud, all the time. I was afraid to go outside without some form of protection, my children couldn't go outside to play. It made life very stressful. This is about the time that my anxiety started to get really bad. No surprise there.

People have no idea what it's like to live in low income housing, unless they have been there. I called the police on an almost daily basis to report one thing or another. Usually people sitting outside drunk or doing drugs (Yep, right out on the front steps in front of God & everybody.) & screaming at each other in the middle of the night. Now don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the police & very thankful for what they do. In this particular case though they did nothing. As soon as they would pull in the parking lot people would scatter, as soon as they left people came back. No progress was ever made.

I hear people talk about how wonderful low income housing is for the poor. Well, it keeps you off the streets, that's about all that can be said for it. A change needs to be made with the program in a major way. People should be able to leave their homes without feeling threatened. Children should be able to go outside & play. Families should be able to sleep through the night without listening to screaming at all hours. I honestly think the best thing for these places would be armed security 24/7. At the very least through the night.

So here is what I learned from this situation, noise makes anxiety worse! Feeling unsafe REALLY makes anxiety worse! Calling the police doesn't always help so you better have some form of self defense. Do everything you can to provide for yourself & your family so you don't have to rely so much on "social programs" just to live.

Some of you might now be thinking that this blog is going to be nothing more than a pity party. I assure it's not! There are some good parts to my story, I'm just getting all of the bad out of the way first so that you know the background story & can watch for these triggers in your own lives. Remember, I really hope to help someone else, something good HAS to come from all I've been through.

Ok, I am going to bed, keep me in your prayers tomorrow, that I can focus on the good things about it being my birthday & not all the bad that it represents. Thanks! <3

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